How our emotions can shape our dog’s behaviour

One of the things I talk about a lot with clients is this: our dogs don’t experience the world on their own. They experience it alongside us. That means our stress levels, emotions, body language and expectations can all quietly shape how safe or unsafe life feels to them.

This isn’t about blame or fault. It’s about understanding what’s really going on so we can support both ends of the lead.

Meet Milly …

Milly is a small Shih Tzu with some very big worries. When I first met her, she was clearly anxious – easily startled, unsure about going out for walks, and quick to bark, freeze or retreat when something felt a bit too much.

It would have been easy to focus only on Milly’s behaviour and try to “fix” her reactions. But behaviour is communication, and Milly was telling us there was more to the story.

Looking at the Whole Picture

Milly’s owner was incredibly open from the start. She described herself as an anxious person and had recently taken time off work due to stress. Day-to-day life felt overwhelming, and social situations were particularly difficult. By her own admission, she was often tense, on edge, and constantly worrying about what might happen next.

Dogs are experts at reading us. They notice the tight grip on the lead, the shallow breathing, the hesitation before stepping outside, and the way our bodies brace when we’re expecting something to go wrong. Milly didn’t need words to know that the world felt stressful – she could feel it.

So from Milly’s point of view, her anxiety made complete sense.

Social Anxiety and Walks

Walks were especially hard for both of them.

Milly’s owner worried about bumping into other dogs, having to talk to people, or being judged if Milly barked or refused to move. That meant walks often started with tension already in the air. The lead was tight, eyes were scanning for potential problems, and any small reaction from Milly felt like confirmation that things were going wrong.

For Milly, the message was clear: if my human is worried, then there must be something to worry about. So she stayed on high alert too.

This Is Not About Blame

I want to be really clear about this: Milly’s owner did not cause her anxiety on purpose.

Anxiety isn’t a choice – for humans or dogs. Many people are doing their absolute best while juggling their own mental health, stress and life pressures. Noticing the connection between human and dog emotions isn’t about judgement. It’s about compassion.

My Role as a Clinical Animal Behaviourist

As a Clinical Animal Behaviourist, my role is to be non‑judgemental and supportive. I’m not there to criticise or tell people what they “should” be doing. I look at the whole picture – the dog, the human, the environment and everyday life – and help find solutions that actually work long term.

Sometimes that means adjusting expectations. Sometimes it means changing the environment rather than the dog. And quite often, it means supporting the owner just as much as the dog.

With Milly, helping her meant helping her owner feel safer and more confident too.

Gentle, Practical Steps That Helped

We didn’t try to do everything at once. Instead, we focused on small, manageable changes that reduced pressure for both of them.

1. Lowering the pressure
We shortened walks and chose quieter times of day. There was no focus on distance or “needing” to go far – the goal was simply calmer, more positive experiences.

2. Softening the lead and the body
We practised being aware of how tightly the lead was held and what the owner’s body was doing. Relaxing shoulders, loosening the lead and slowing things down made a noticeable difference to how Milly responded.

3. Giving permission to avoid
Avoidance isn’t failure. Choosing routes with fewer people or dogs helped rebuild confidence without pushing either of them past their comfort zone.

4. Creating predictability
Simple routines and calm, predictable handling helped Milly feel more secure in her daily life. Predictability equals safety for many anxious dogs.

5. Supporting the human
Acknowledging the owner’s anxiety – rather than ignoring it – was a crucial part of the process. Feeling understood and supported made change possible.

A Shared Journey

As Milly’s owner began to feel less judged and more supported, her confidence slowly grew. And as she relaxed, Milly started to relax too. Progress wasn’t instant or perfectly smooth – and that’s completely normal. Sustainable change rarely is.

Final Thoughts

If you’re struggling with your dog’s behaviour and also finding life a bit overwhelming, you’re not alone. Many sensitive dogs live with sensitive humans, and that isn’t a weakness. With the right support, it can become a real strength.

Behaviour work isn’t just about changing dogs. It’s about understanding relationships, emotions and the world they share.

And often, the kindest place to start is with compassion – for your dog and for yourself.

For more information on how you can support a dog with anxiety, take a look at my anxiety and fears page.